I've taught 4 kids to read. Are you impressed yet? Don't be. I'm pretty sure my kids mostly learned to read in spite of me, rather than because of me.
My eldest child Noah, struggled with reading. Well really, he probably struggled with me. I know now that I started him too young. He wasn't ready-by a long shot. But he was five, and I was a newbie at this homeschooling thing, and I was going to make him a reader.
Fail.
The tears, the frustration, the sorrow that I feel now for trying to force him to please me then. It wasn't pretty and I had to ask his forgiveness often.
At the same time, I was trying to teach my 4 year old daughter to read too. You'd think I would have learned my lesson, but no. Not for a minute did it occur to me that I was rushing her. Rushing him. Rushing everything.
After maybe six months of this, I began searching for books on how to teach struggling readers, delayed readers, stubborn readers. But fortuitously, the Lord plunked a better book in my lap: The Three Rs by Ruth Beechick. In these slender volumes, Beechick introduced a new concept to me: gentleness. Waiting. Resting. Waiting. Letting my children show me when they were ready to read. She drove home the strange notion that reading should be fun. Not work. Not heartache. Fun. And I listened.
Instead of twenty tear-filled minutes of sitting-up-paying-attention-focus-focus-focus in front of the phonics book, we snuggled down on the sofa, one child nestled under each of my arms, and I read to them. Whatever they wanted. The same book over and over. Board books, Sesame Street books, truck books. Anything they asked for. After a few weeks of this I pulled out Five In A Row and we had a ball reading and cooking and doing art projects related to the books we read together.
We did eventually (like, a year later) get back into phonics and sight word work, but by then both Noah and Fiona had fallen back in love with books. And more importantly, I had learned to relax. Fiona went on to become a good reader pretty quickly. Noah took a few years more to become proficient. Now however, he's my biggest reader. He reads a lot like I do-quickly and voraciously. And I am thrilled.
When Silas came along, I knew I would approach things a little differently. First, he was my one child who really never sat still long enough to be read to. He wanted to play and do, not sit and listen. I decided (heart in throat) to wait to begin teaching reading until he asked me to. Which was hard. When he was 6, and beginning first grade he asked me one day what a stop sign said. I asked him if he wanted to find out for himself. He said yes. I opened the phonics book (I used Teach Your Child To Read In 100 Easy Lessons with all four of my kids) and taught him the sounds for S T O P. Within three weeks he was reading well. I promise you, this was not due to my tutelage. He was just ready and willing.
And now for the child who has taught me more than I ever wanted to know about patience: Judah. This sweet and funny boy who is my cuddler. Who has always loved to crawl into a ready lap, stick two fingers in his mouth, rest his head on a shoulder, and listen to a story. This boy who is probably a little dyslexic, and still occasionally transposes Bs and Ds. This child who is 9 and in fourth grade, and just beginning to read easy chapter books. This child who astonishes all of us with his charm and wit and dashing good looks.
There were days with Judah when I feared he might never read. Really. He didn't like it, he forgot sounds frequently, and I could tell that often he felt stupid. At the time it seemed like every other kid his age was reading War and Peace whilst he was slowly sounding out basic CVC words. I prayed and prayed over this boy, and sometimes listened when the Holy Spirit told me not to worry. We kept at it, ever so slowly progressing. I'd pull every favorite Dr. Suess book from my shelves to entice him. A Fish Out of Water was a favorite, and The Best Nest. I would pull out a book and on each page I would let him sound out words he could, and when he got stuck, I just quickly the word for him. I bet we spent a whole year doing this. It would take a week to finish a short book, and at the end Judah would have little comprehension of what we'd read.
It was hard doing this. Really, really hard. And discouraging. I asked my girlfriend (a first grade teacher) for book recommendations and she brought over a basketful of beginner books we used. He practiced sight words by playing Bingo. I'd have Fiona quiz him and offer an M&M for each word he got right. I dangled every carrot I could think of to entice this child to read.
And he lacked confidence. He felt dumb. He defeated himself daily. But we consistently encouraged him, praising him for every little accomplishment. Telling him, Yes, you can read this book. You can. And gradually, he started to believe us.
And s l o w l y he improved. Let me tell you something. I started teaching him when he was six. He's nine now and is still not yet an independent reader. But he's almost there. We just started reading The Boxcar Children (one of my childhood favorites) and he's doing it. Word by word, page by page. This child who I prayed and worried and prayed for is truly becoming a reader.
Does he have catching up to do? Absolutely. But I no longer fear for his academic future. I'm confident that one day in the near future, Judah will be buzzing through books, with little memory of these hard-fought achievements. And if this child can overcome this particular battle, then I'm confident he can overcome so much more that this life will throw at him.
I hope our story encourages you, the mom or dad of a struggling reader. He will learn to read. She will one day love it. They aren't stupid. They aren't being bad. They don't lack focus. Each child just learns at his own pace. When he or she is ready. I've come to learn that reading readiness is much like toilet training or learning to walk. Formal reading instruction should only begin when a child is physically and developmentally ready for it. And no child should be made to feel 'behind' or 'learning delayed' because he is not exactly the same as the kid sitting beside him.
And our job as parents is to be gentle and consistent. To teach them first to learn to love books. To help them be curious about the words contained in them. To let them gaze at the pictures. To open up the world of literature for them, one page at a time. As a mom, one of my greatest accomplishments may simply be teaching my kids to read. It doesn't sound like much, but really, it's everything.
If you're curious about reading instruction materials, here are my favorites:
Teach Your Child To Read In 100 Easy Lessons
The Three Rs
Bob Books
Explode The Code
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If you have any questions about homeschooling or reading instruction, or just need a little encouragement, feel free to email me.
Happy reading,
Alison