i turned 40 near the end of last year
and like most American women i had
schedule first mammogram
somewhere on my to-do list
the months came and went
(6, to be exact)
and i pretty much forgot about it
until my yearly gynecological exam in May
when my doctor firmly reminded me
to make my appointment already
so i did
and i went
and i got man-handled
and pressed six ways from Sunday
truly
the worst bit
was probably the 'no deodorant' rule
the morning of the procedure
leaving the exam
the only thing i thought was
check
done
deodorant
i know
i have issues
one week later
i received the standard phone call
from the lab
that turned out to be
not really so standard after all
the nurse
(or whoever it was-someone official sounding, at least)
informed me that
because my breasts are densely fibrous
they would need to schedule a second mammogram
just to be thorough
i calmly asked
if i should be nervous
and she said
nope
we're just being thorough
so we set a date
for another squashy go-round
this time
at the Women's Health Center
(a more serious sounding place)
in i went
sans deodorant again
entered the changing cubicle
to replace my cute t-shirt and boring bra
with a voluminous pink smock
a few minutes later
there i was
being man-handled once more
pressed and squished
except this time
it actually hurt a little bit
i guess they were just being thorough
finished
i was escorted back to the waiting area
to sit amidst a dozen or so
other pink smocked
deodorant-free women
of varying ages
no one spoke
or even glanced at anyone else
i had brought a book
but after spying a glossy issue of Vogue
began mindlessly flipping through page after page
of colorful ads
and gorgeous features
and i waited
after what felt like
a really long time
a nurse whispered my name
and informed me that
the radiologist wants to talk to you about your films
this may have been the moment
i started to feel that small niggle of worry
in the pit of my stomach
which became more pronounced
when we were made to wait outside the office door
whilst 4 or 5 scrubs-clad folks
seemed to be conferring about something
what are they doing in there
are they looking at
my films
my boobs
do i have a tumor
what the heck is taking so long
i will not will not cry
i might cry a little
just let me in the room so i can stop worrying please
finally
the nurse walked me into the darkened room
where i immediately spied
the shadowy silhouette of my left breast
glowing faintly on the back-lit wall
the radiologist introduced himself to me
shaking whichever one of my hands
wasn't clutching onto my wrap
in the effort to hold it firmly closed
he then began to show me some very small white dots
clustered loosely together in two areas of my breast
explaining that these tiny grains
were called calcifications
and they were 'concerning'
how concerning? i asked
feeling a familiar
prick at the backs of my eyeballs
well
these things are usually benign
but about 20 percent of cases
turn out to be pre-cancerous growths
we call it stage 0 breast cancer
and it's easily treatable
now you have two options
he said
whilst looking me in they eye
(i very much like
to be looked in the eye)
one
since this is your first mammogram
and we don't know how long these calcifications
have been there
we can wait 6 months
and do a follow-up to see if anything has changed
or two
we can do what's called
a stereotactic biopsy
during which
we will remove a sample of the calcifications
and send them to a pathologist to determine
if these are benign or
not
now
i'm generally no alarmist
and i'm never quick to choose the most invasive option
so
among other questions
i asked
if i were your wife
or sister or daughter
what would you advise?
the biopsy
no question
you'll want to be sure
after chatting some minutes more
i thanked him
and said my goodbyes
the nice nurse
escorted me to a desk
where i met another nurse
who led me to a private area
to make yet another appointment
and answer any lingering questions
of which
i had none
not fully having yet processed
this somewhat surreal situation
in which i currently find myself
so i made the appointment
went back to the dressing room
got dressed
tossing a quick sniff
to each underarm
just to check
i know
i have issues
and now
i am scheduled to go on Monday
to lay face down (sans deodorant, of course) on a table
which has a convenient hole cut into it
for my left breast
the thought of that hole
gives me giggles
whenever i think about it
i wonder
will they hydraulic me up
like a mechanic
to get under my chassy?
we'll see
i am okay
held by the Holy Spirit
loved beyond measure
supported by my man
who is the kind of guy
you'd want to be married to
if you have to have
two mammograms and a biopsy back to back to back
he listens to me
alternately comforting
and telling inappropriate boob jokes
but i certainly feel a little edgy
what with all the online info i've been reading
and new vocabulary words to learn like
microcalcifications
macrocalcifications
ductal carcinoma in situ
stereotactic biopsy
i think i'll stop reading for awhile
and i'll be sure to let you know
how it goes tomorrow
i just hope i remember
to bring some deodorant with me.
schedule first mammogram
somewhere on my to-do list
(6, to be exact)
and i pretty much forgot about it
until my yearly gynecological exam in May
when my doctor firmly reminded me
to make my appointment already
so i did
and i went
and i got man-handled
and pressed six ways from Sunday
truly
the worst bit
was probably the 'no deodorant' rule
the morning of the procedure
leaving the exam
the only thing i thought was
check
done
deodorant
i know
i have issues
one week later
i received the standard phone call
from the lab
that turned out to be
not really so standard after all
the nurse
(or whoever it was-someone official sounding, at least)
informed me that
because my breasts are densely fibrous
they would need to schedule a second mammogram
just to be thorough
i calmly asked
if i should be nervous
and she said
nope
we're just being thorough
so we set a date
for another squashy go-round
this time
at the Women's Health Center
(a more serious sounding place)
in i went
sans deodorant again
entered the changing cubicle
to replace my cute t-shirt and boring bra
with a voluminous pink smock
a few minutes later
there i was
being man-handled once more
pressed and squished
except this time
it actually hurt a little bit
i guess they were just being thorough
finished
i was escorted back to the waiting area
to sit amidst a dozen or so
other pink smocked
deodorant-free women
of varying ages
no one spoke
or even glanced at anyone else
i had brought a book
but after spying a glossy issue of Vogue
began mindlessly flipping through page after page
of colorful ads
and gorgeous features
and i waited
after what felt like
a really long time
a nurse whispered my name
and informed me that
the radiologist wants to talk to you about your films
this may have been the moment
i started to feel that small niggle of worry
in the pit of my stomach
which became more pronounced
when we were made to wait outside the office door
whilst 4 or 5 scrubs-clad folks
seemed to be conferring about something
what are they doing in there
are they looking at
my films
my boobs
do i have a tumor
what the heck is taking so long
i will not will not cry
i might cry a little
just let me in the room so i can stop worrying please
finally
the nurse walked me into the darkened room
where i immediately spied
the shadowy silhouette of my left breast
glowing faintly on the back-lit wall
the radiologist introduced himself to me
shaking whichever one of my hands
wasn't clutching onto my wrap
in the effort to hold it firmly closed
he then began to show me some very small white dots
clustered loosely together in two areas of my breast
explaining that these tiny grains
were called calcifications
and they were 'concerning'
how concerning? i asked
feeling a familiar
prick at the backs of my eyeballs
well
these things are usually benign
but about 20 percent of cases
turn out to be pre-cancerous growths
we call it stage 0 breast cancer
and it's easily treatable
now you have two options
he said
whilst looking me in they eye
(i very much like
to be looked in the eye)
one
since this is your first mammogram
and we don't know how long these calcifications
have been there
we can wait 6 months
and do a follow-up to see if anything has changed
or two
we can do what's called
a stereotactic biopsy
during which
we will remove a sample of the calcifications
and send them to a pathologist to determine
if these are benign or
not
now
i'm generally no alarmist
and i'm never quick to choose the most invasive option
so
among other questions
i asked
if i were your wife
or sister or daughter
what would you advise?
the biopsy
no question
you'll want to be sure
after chatting some minutes more
i thanked him
and said my goodbyes
the nice nurse
escorted me to a desk
where i met another nurse
who led me to a private area
to make yet another appointment
and answer any lingering questions
of which
i had none
not fully having yet processed
this somewhat surreal situation
in which i currently find myself
so i made the appointment
went back to the dressing room
got dressed
tossing a quick sniff
to each underarm
just to check
i know
i have issues
and now
i am scheduled to go on Monday
to lay face down (sans deodorant, of course) on a table
which has a convenient hole cut into it
for my left breast
the thought of that hole
gives me giggles
whenever i think about it
i wonder
will they hydraulic me up
like a mechanic
to get under my chassy?
we'll see
i am okay
held by the Holy Spirit
loved beyond measure
supported by my man
who is the kind of guy
you'd want to be married to
if you have to have
two mammograms and a biopsy back to back to back
he listens to me
alternately comforting
and telling inappropriate boob jokes
but i certainly feel a little edgy
what with all the online info i've been reading
and new vocabulary words to learn like
microcalcifications
macrocalcifications
ductal carcinoma in situ
stereotactic biopsy
i think i'll stop reading for awhile
and i'll be sure to let you know
how it goes tomorrow
i just hope i remember
to bring some deodorant with me.