like most women
when it comes to my morning ablutions
i have a simple routine
which goes something like this
take a shower
towel off
rub stuff on my face
put on deodorant
brush teeth
moisturize
dress
all of this usually takes 20ish minutes
to accomplish every morning
if i can make it sans interruption
if
however
i am preoccupied
(by the never completed to-do list running through my mind like a 1980s social studies film strip)
or
interrupted
(by random small persons knocking on the bathroom door because apparently it's inconceivable to get along for 20 minutes 20 minutes without calling 'mom' 50 times at ever increasing decibels are you kidding me?)
i will invariably
and
unfailingly
forget to
deodorize my right armpit
it's always the right armpit
never the left
and strangely
this random event
seems to occur only on days
when i leave the house for long stretches at a time during which no opportunity to remedy problematic situation is readily available
i can't solve this mystery
but one day
i plan to donate my body to science
in the hopes that someone can identify
which particular neurons misfire
at the expense of anyone unfortunate enough
to approach me from the right
on harried days
{alison}